Comments on: Did you come?

By: BP

BP — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 08:00:47 +0000

Like Bad Man, I’d like to avoid being thought of as the typical barbarian male, but I’ll admit when I finished reading the original post, I had a similar question in mind. Not so much “did you come”, but “why is that enjoyable” or “why would you choose to do that”. I guess, for me, I can understand and have experienced slight pain increasing the intensity of arousal. In contrast, what you described in nylons and duct tape seems qualitatively different. I think what drove that home for me was when you wrote “but during, I would rather be somewhere (oh, God, anywhere) else.”

I think I have a hard time understanding both how the anticipation and the remembrance of the event pays for the experience, even setting aside my confusion over how the anticipation and memory would be exciting instead of terrifying or disturbing. The closest I think I can come to similar experiences in my own life is feeling proud I got through something that was tough for me, but I think that’s a very poor analogue to what you’re describing. (I also don’t enjoy roller coasters, most scary movies, or anything else that people seem to enjoy for the rush, so that may be why I have such a difficult time understanding.)

I don’t know if it’s possible to, or if you’d want to, help me understand that, but any info you could pass along would be appreciated.

(Last side note: I hope I managed to phrase everything in as non-judgmental a way as possible as I certainly don’t want to give the impression that I think that my incomprehension is anyone’s problem other than my own. I’m just hoping to get help to understand a bit better.)

By: curiouslyrandom

curiouslyrandom — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:09:47 +0000

Admittedly I’ve faked a few just to get the pneumatic pumping over with, but generally I’m an easy orgasm and I’m pretty open about it. Ex Man could get me off just by kissing me, which was new and fun and I miss that. The first time a guy got me off by sucking my nipples was amazing and I reciprocated, dislodging some scar tissue where he’d previously been pierced, which was fun.

Odd for me is that there are times when I can get myself off and I find that truly frustrating. With a partner I can orgasm continuously until I pass out (or nearly so, I’m such a control freak), but on my own it’s not as enjoyable. Solo orgasms can be intense, but then I’m done and that’s that. With a partner there’s more exploration and experimentation to keep my busy mind going and my body responding.

By: Bad Man

Bad Man — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 02:20:19 +0000

I agree with MVX that that’s a LOL comment, and maybe I’m just a Cosmo kind of guy, but “ok, stud, you need to stop, I need a breather” or some other sort of communicative “please stop” (probably mixed with some sort of “you did a GOOD JOB” praise to keep the fragile male ego intact) should work, no?

By: E

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 22:33:46 +0000

Wonderful post!
I wish more men understood that orgasms aren’t the end-all, be-all. I could have really great sex for hours without orgasm, or I could sit on something that vibrates for thirty seconds and have one: which would be the richer experience?

By: MVX

MVX — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 03:34:46 +0000

“it isn’t over when she comes (although she’d better if she ever wants him to stop pumping away, because he’s a feminist, damn it)”

Made me LOL. Great post.

By: Nix

Nix — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:04:51 +0000

Wow.. I remember thinking how hot that post was, that it got me very turned on.
I never wondered about orgasms tho. Never even occurred to me they might be something *missing* in some views. Huh.

By: Getting it off « Yes Mistress

Getting it off « Yes Mistress — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 06:10:28 +0000

[...] Calico was discussing ‘did you come‘ recently and it got me thinking about the whole orgasm thing. Again. As it happens I was [...]

By: figleaf

figleaf — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 02:56:47 +0000

“…tell me how they were ‘raised by feminists to be submissive to women’.”

Yeah, and what’s wiggy about that, I swear, is that an awful lot of that is *their* story about it. It’s like, well if I can’t be treat-you-like-dirt dominant then you have to be because top or toilet paper are the only two possibilities for heteros. Which would be… not feminism.

figleaf

By: Casey

Casey — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 01:18:32 +0000

But… but… making a woman come a hundred times in one night is so much fun! *grinning*

Seriously though, yeah. Sex is so much more than just [some object] in vagina leading to someone’s orgasm. Some other things that have been sex for me:

Screaming through a beating until I collapse on the floor (and I too get off on both the anticipation and the recollection of these scenes).

Lying on my back on a dirty dungeon floor, fully dressed, massaging leather conditioner into someone’s boots.

Slowly sliding my lips over a steak knife at the kitchen table, my eyes locked on those of my lover.

Admitting a deep, dark fantasy to someone in the middle of the night, on the phone, with all the lights out.

Cutting off a hank of someone’s hair and laying it threateningly on the pillow next to her face.

The sound of an automatic knife opening, a gun locking into its holster, a whip cracking, or a belt snaking through belt loops.

Being watched intently while using the toilet.

The feeling of a cane connecting with flesh, the reverberations traveling up my arm and lighting up my brain.

I could go on, but I’m tired.

Also, some of the most satisfying penetrative sex I’ve had hasn’t involved my orgasm at all. I really like being “used” for my partner’s pleasure, and have initiated and negotiated that for my own fulfillment many times.

By: Calico

Calico — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:10:44 +0000

@figleaf I literally just went to your site and searched for “orgasm”.

I think I have been extra, super put off by the post-’70s reactive feminist stuff because so many submissive men fetishize it. I mean I’ve literally had men come to me and tell me how they were “raised by feminists to be submissive to women”. (What does this entail? Lots of humiliating them, telling them how they can’t please a woman, and kicking them in the balls, apparently. Because not being pleased is ever so pleasing to me.)

It’s so wrong and it makes me so angry. Don’t you DARE fucking tell me what gets me off and expect me to thank you for it.