I did smoke a little in the sunlight when I got up before noon, but so far, no spontaneous combustion.  Oh, and I had to sign a lot of papers.  I won’t be teaching latex classes (at least on my own, for free) or selling my own designs (at least, that are not made and produced through her) but I wasn’t interested in doing that anyway so it’s all good.

This means that when I learn to bone latex corsets, I won’t be able to tell you.  Bummer.  But I can report that everything I taught myself from the Internet is solid.  That’s pretty sweet!  Obviously there’s a lot more to latex clothing than sticking one piece on the other, but that will get you 90% of the way.

I’m amazed that my stripper nails seem to be holding up to the solvents. Go go OPI gel!

The same could not be said of my cuticles.  Fetish model problems?

Working anywhere with stage tipping, no matter how constrained and pathetic, is like being handed free money.  It helps with the pain of paying house fees.  Counting out ones I picked up from the stage feels like magic.  They’re barely money and yet after eight hours they, like, totally add up!

Another difference: I don’t mind floor work and I love poles, but I’m not used to them.  Or hourly stage.  I am covered in bruises and I could eat a horse.

Look ma, a bruise I didn’t get from sadomasochism!

No, I’m not working on the regular … just getting a breath of fresh air.

I think it was in Super Size Me that I first heard the statistic that New Yorkers walk 4 to 5 miles a day.  Google fails me here, but it sounds right. I’ve never lived closer than .3 miles to a subway.  Often I’ll go home-subway-home twice in a day.  Add to that subway-work-subway, and probably subway-dinner-firstbar-secondbar -subway, and I have a solid four miles without running an errand or taking a stroll.

I don’t realize how much I walk at this point, but I have learned to tell visitors to bring comfortable shoes and a waterbottle, because I will walk them like dogs and they will protest like … tourists.

Before I moved to New York, I didn’t understand cobblers.  I owned shoes for years and they never wore out.  Now that I’ve lived here for five years, I take my shoes to the cobbler like my business friends take suits to the drycleaner.  I’ve had all my heels re-capped — multiple times.  I’ve had my boots resoled.

Before New York I didn’t understand how a pair of shoes could break.  I’ve had heels crack and straps snap.  I’ve lost heel caps (which is like nothing so much as a horse throwing a shoe) and found myself limping on the metal shaft (step KLINK! step KLINK!) to the nearest shoe stand.  I’ve destroyed more pairs of flip-flops, sandals and cheap flats than I can count.

We all have that friend who always wears high heels.  Or at least, I think we do: now that I think about it, I have those friends I only see in high heels.  What is their secret?  Do they slip out of their flats a block before the restaurant? (I do.)  Do they take cabs everywhere? (I don’t!) Do they have feet that magically don’t get blisters and pains, or super-expensive heels that somehow don’t hurt?

I understand wearing heels for a special occasion.  Sometimes there are outfits and times that really call for it, and on those times I take a couple of Aleve and hail a cab.  Martinis are my favorite drink for nights in high heels; not trying to be posh, just efficient.  I reach the point of no pain after one, blissful indifference after two, and the point of graceful exit (if I’m lucky) soon after.

Right now I live .6 miles from the train.  It’s become a litmus test for footwear.  I have to ask myself every time I leave the house: are these two mile shoes?  I’ve tried with all my most modest heels, but I have to conclude, if it has a heel, they’re not.

Usually I cope by stashing a pair of flats in my bag, but I just destroyed my last two pairs.  And now it’s getting to be boot weather.  This is especially vexing since I see no way to tuck over-the-knee Fryes into my purse.

My purse is falling apart too, probably from carrying around too many sex toys shoes.

This isn’t meant to be an argument for heel-wearing, which has little to recommend it except vanity.  It’s just … how.  How do you girls do it?  Inquiring minds (and sore feet) want to know.

Maybe that’s why I tell everyone.

My second dress.  The less said about the first, the better.

Like most craft projects, it took more money and time than I expected.  Also cursing, tears, blisters, and the demise of several acrylic fingernails.  But I feel pretty good about making latex now.  I’ve had a handful of custom-made garments I could never have afforded otherwise, and hours of fun.  You may, of course, define fun differently than I do.

My second dress. The fit is better and I have attempted a buckled halter strap (which you can’t see under my hair).  The pink latex from my failed first dress reappears as “stitched” applique at top and hem.

I acknowledge that latex looks best when made by skilled craftspeople. But most of us aren’t skilled enough to know the difference!  If you’ve graduated kindergarten, you can make latex clothing.

Please don’t sue me, Sanrio!

If you want to start making latex clothing yourself, here’s how to do it:

Buy your supplies at any craft store or order online.

• Rubber cement and thinner. I use Bestine, but Elmer’s brand works as well.
• A self-healing cutting mat.
• An Olfa or similar quality rotary cutter. DRITZ WILL NOT HANDLE LATEX. Ask my nascent carpal tunnel how I know.  (Check out this OLFA kit on Overstock!)
• Silver Sharpies for marking

You probably already have these items:

• Paper towels or lint-free rags.
• A tiny dish or Tupperware for your glue.
• Paintbrush, or credit cards or business cards cut into lengthwise strips (very satisfying!)
• Something to roll your seams.  You can buy a brayer, but I made many dresses without one (see also: nascent carpal tunnel).  Good substitutes are pill bottles, water bottles, or tennis balls: anything round, hard and small that you can use to roll over your seams.
• Plastic to cover your seams.  You can buy cling wrap, but I prefer to use plastic grocery bags cut into strips.  They’re free and it keeps the plastic bag population manageable.

Start with Making Latex Clothing, a blog run by the fabulous Latex Kitty.  She has tutorials on every skill you’ll need to construct clothing, including zippers, ruffles and gathers, applique and edging.  I won’t duplicate them here.

If you’re in North America, order latex sheeting from either MJTrends (cheaper, but not as nice) or Kink Engineering (slightly more expensive, but much nicer, and a beautiful selection of colors).  Spend your money here.  You will screw up several garments, so don’t set yourself up for heartbreak by starting with one yard.   Start with two or three yards of black .45mm.  If you like colors, pick two or three and order one yard of each.

Every time I make a latex order, I try to include one new color.  I make a new garment from it (or try at least) and if I fail it simply becomes a new color in my applique arsenal.

When your stuff arrives, START SLOWLY.  Making Latex Clothing has great beginner projects, like a tank top or fingerless gloves.  I don’t recommend panties as a first project because hips (and butts and bellies) are squishy.

You can draft your patterns from scratch if you know how, using your measurements and latex stretch factors, or start with an existing pattern and modify it.  I think the biggest factor in stepping up your latex clothing game is fitting and patternmaking.  I was very bad at it when I started.  I am now somewhat less terrible.

I’ll leave you with some tips I learned the hard way:

• Don’t wash your latex sheeting until the garment is completed.
• Let your seams dry fully before you handle them.  Walk away.  Read a book if you have to.  This will solve most of your pesky curling problems.
• Cover long, unwieldy seams with strips of plastic after they dry.  Peel back the plastic as you join them.  This will keep them from sticking to each other, you, your surface, pet hair, dust, the walls …
• Cover your Tupperware so your glue doesn’t thicken while you work.
• Keep your hands and surface clean, especially if you’re working with light colors or transparents.
• When seaming a transparent to a solid, make sure the transparent is on the inside of the garment.
• Only polish your latex with silicone when you’re sure you’re done working on it. It will be harder to glue things to it.

Happy shinymaking!

I think a metal rod was involved, and nipple biting, and I remember licking the dirt off the soles of her shoes.  She was wearing black pumps.  Patent, six-inch stiletto heel, covered platform.

[Photos by Ian Reid.] At the time I didn’t realize they were being taken.  That was how small my world was.  Shoe sized.

Afterward the Doctor and I went home and had sex.  I don’t remember it all (there were hours, and I was very sleepy) but I do remember him deciding to practice tracheal intubation at, like, 8am.  It would have been more endearing had it not been my trachea.

The aftermath was colorful.

I think I am good with my Dermablend but this was beyond my power to cover up.  Let’s not even start on the open scratches and the scabs on my nipples.  Did I mention she bit them?

Normally I would spend the week in a funk.  I’d stress about money because I wouldn’t be working.  I’d feel guilty and sexually compulsive, irresponsible and stupid.

Of course, after years of being out and proud the only stupid thing here is my hypocrisy.  If I don’t accept that I’m going to play, every time I do is a “lapse of judgment” and it will make me feel awful and ruin all my plans.  When I am having “lapses” month after month I’m not fucking up, I’m just IN DENIAL UP TO MY EYEBALLS.  Sure, this takes pigheadedness and a special hubris, but I am up to the task.

I can only imagine what I will get done when I can plan for the life I actually lead and divert that willpower to something useful.

I have been trying to be kinder to myself and plan for my “lapses”, so while I wasn’t thrilled to be out of work last week, I also wasn’t upset.  Progress! I’m getting close to picking a web designer, I saw the ever awesome Strap-on Jo, I made some new latex, and I even had a kick-ass photoshoot.   If all goes well I should be back on cam by Wednesday!

I see Burning Man as an opportunity to adopt more nerdy habits.

Me: Will you still talk to me if I ride a unicycle?

Boy: I’m not sure.

Me: What if I ride it in a tiny little bikini?

Boy: I can’t guarantee it.

Unfortunately the Burning Man community seems to be about art, not just LSD and furry legwarmers.  After years of tiresome “erotica” vs. “porn” debates the word makes me break out in hives.

I am reminded of the conversation I had with a Burner dominatrix friend:

Her: I think of sessioning as a type of performance art.

Me: Ha! I don’t do art.

Her: Really. Then what do you call what you do?

Me: Work.

In NYC this Sunday is a “Know Your Rights” labor meeting for exotic dancers.  From the Brunch and Bitch website:

At our next meeting, Sienna Baskin from the Urban Justice Center’s Sex Workers Project will be presenting a Know Your Rights training for dancers. Join us for brunch and bring your questions about labor rights, taxes, prostitution laws, and other legal issues.

Sunday May 1, 2011

2 – 4pm

The LGBT Community Center

208 West 13^th Street, between 7^th and 8^th Ave, New York, NY

This meeting is open to current and former dancers who have worked in strip clubs, peepshows, and bachelor parties. Free refreshments, Metrocards, and onsite childcare will be provided.

And in Boston tomorrow night, an event inspired by San Francisco’s very successful Poly Speed Dating: Poly Speed Dating comes to Boston!  If you are interested in supporting the event but are not currently looking for new partners, they are still (as of this morning) looking for volunteers to help run the event, so drop them a line.

I know there are as many types of strip clubs as the day is long, but the popular image of an American strip club seems to consist of three things:

1) The girls pick their own music.

2) Customers tip with ones on stage while the girls are dancing.

3) There is a pole, and the girls dance on it.

Based on these expectations, customers get very confused when they come to NYC strip clubs and then they ask me why my strip club is wrong.  This gets tiresome.  It’s still a strip club — it’s just DIFFERENT.

1) is nominally true in Manhattan.  You can suggest your favorite genres to the DJ, but usually you’ve gotta tip him more for specific songs, and when the club is packed it’s no use trying.  Picking your music is Manhattan is just not a thing like it is in, say, Portland.  MOVING ON.

b) is rarely true in Manhattan.  You can’t sit stageside because there’s usually no tip rail and no seats!  Sometimes an intrepid customer will get up from his table, wind through the chairs and approach the stage, ones in hand, but the girls — considering ones an insult — may leave them on the stage.  I have even seen girls kick them back off.  To me this seems like spitting in the face of the money gods, but whatever — they seem to do juuuuust fine for themselves.

c) Neither Penthouse, nor Rick’s, nor Scores have poles on the stage. FOR REAL. There are strippers without poles! Let me say it again, because it doesn’t seem to stick: Strippers. Without. Poles.  If this still troubles you, I advise you to take a deep breath.  I’m gonna help you work through this.  Wave over a nearby stripper, hand her a $20, look at her breasts, and focus on the tingly feeling in the only pole in the room that ought to really matter to you.

I hope this improves your next NYC strip club experience — and mine.

Please pardon the mess in my bedroom and focus on the hair.

I originally started this blog to connect with other sex workers and share the things we’ve learned.  In the vernacular: the things that your momma didn’t teach you and your girlfriends don’t know.  Some of those “secrets” are unsexy, if useful (how to do an enema, working while you have your period) but some of it is pretty glamorous, like learning how to do your hair and makeup like the girls in the magazines.

In the strip club world there are two ways to do one’s hair: pin-straight, and flowing curls.  Both involve heat styling.   (Unless, in the words of the house mom from the Fancy Club, “you were born with the one and only perfect natural curl”.  I was not.)

One of the few surviving photos of my hair in its natural state.  (Photo by Dov, 2007.)  SHUT UP. We’ve all made fashion mistakes before.

The Angry Stripper has an awesome post on flat-ironing, so I don’t have to write it.  I have been flat-ironing my hair for so long that only a few friends and lovers realize it’s naturally curly.

Sometimes I use smoothing balm, sometimes I use mousse.  I love the silicone sprays (and they’re pretty much all the same) but I’m terrified of turning my hair into an oil slick.  The exception is this Rusk product I borrow from the house mom.  It has a superfine mist and works magic on winter frizz.  A few pumps and I can practically feel the ends of my hair slipping around like a shampoo commercial.

But curling my hair always eluded me until recently.  If you missed high school beauty class, here is how you, too, can have perfect curls:

1. Blow dry hair smooth. Even if your hair is naturally curly, like mine, you need to get your hair smooth.  Sure you’re going to curl it, but the hairs need to be straight in relation to each other.

I use a light mousse all over my hair, mostly on the roots for volume.  You can use a light leave-in conditioner or a heat protectant instead.  The idea is that the product protects your hair from the heat styling to come.  DO NOT USE TOO MUCH PRODUCT, or too heavy a product.  This is a mistake I made for years thinking it would help the curls stay.  It will only weigh your hair down and make it stiff, and the curls will fall out and lack bounce.

Similarly: not all hairspray is equal.  Don’t make loose curls with extra-super-hold hairspray.  It’s for static styles, like updos, and will tangle and weigh down your curls. Flexible hold only!

Some people swear by naked hair, especially for flat-iron curling.  This horrifies me, but who knows what protection that little spritz of silicone really gives you anyway?

2. Crank your curling iron all the way up. Don’t be scared.  If your curls don’t last — or you can only keep flat-iron curls in your hair — you need more heat.

3.  Section your hair and pin/tie it up. I do three horizontal layers, starting with the layer of hair at the nape and ending with the crown.

4. Begin to curl small sections of hair, working from one ear to the other. I keep the uncurled hair on one shoulder and toss the curls to the other, until all the hair has moved from one side to the other.  You may also see steam.  Be brave! It’s all part of the process.

The hairstylist at my first club curled the traditional way:

- Spritz section of hair with hairspray (optional)

- Clamp iron lightly on the TOP of the hair, near scalp

- Run iron lightly and smoothly down the length of the hair, as if straightening, until the ends are just about to disappear into the clip

- Tilt iron so that ends flip out toward the handle of the iron.  Clamp down and begin to roll the entire length of the hair UP the iron, toward the tip

- Wait for 10 count, carefully ease the iron out of the rolled hair, pin in place on head to cool

- When cooled: unpin curls, mist head with flexible hold hairspray, and run fingers through hair.

This is how most people tell you to do it.  It works, I guess, but I find the rolling-and-pinning to be tedious and near-impossible to do on myself.

The hairstylist at the Fancy Club did something I really liked:

- Spritz section of hair with hairspray (optional)

- Run iron down length of hair, as if straightening

THEN! The magic happened.

- About halfway down the hair, let ends fall toward the handle and begin to roll gently up the iron, maybe a couple of turns.

- Lift the clamp slightly — you know, that clicking, duck-beak motion you might do to ease the iron out of your finished curl — but instead of pulling out, slide the iron down a little with the curled hair on it. Now roll up and take up some more hair.  Slide down again juuuust until you have the ends, roll the rest of the way up, hold for a second or two and slip the iron out.

Did that make any sense?

It’s hard to say why it works better — but it does.  You’re basically holding the iron on the hair for the same amount of time.  You’re doing something the whole time, which is nice for the easily bored.  Because you begin in the middle, I feel like you are exposing the hair to the heat more evenly.  Curls I make this way last longer and look more even, instead of having limp middles and crunchy ends.  And they don’t need pinning.

Finish like above, with a little flexible hold hairspray, and run your fingers through your hair to break up the curls. Shine mist optional.

A big curling iron will get you instantly loose, bouncy waves, but it is essential that you curl hot enough, in small enough sections.  On me it likes to fall right out, leaving me neither straight nor curly, but looking vaguely in need of a good hair-brushing.  A small curling iron leaves more distinct and longer-lasting curls.  If you are worried about looking poodle-y, you can curl only the ends or lower half of your hair.

And that’s it for today! Happy curling!