CALICO LANE

I wrote this back in September in the long wake of my breakup with the Lawyer.  It’s dated, but I think it sums up why I wasn’t blogging, and why I’m not teaching right now.

I also think it’s topical because Maymay, a good friend and a creator and champion of sexuality unconference KinkForAll, has come under attack by “Citizens Against Trafficking”’s Margaret Brooks and Donna M. Hughes . It’s an ugly mess, but it’s a sign if I ever saw one that he’s doing something right.

Tonight’s post comes to you only because I was repainting my old room white. I put on two coats of primer, and I’m just one coat of eggshell away from getting the security deposit back.

The problem is that at 5′5″ I can just barely get the roller to bump the ceiling. The last time I painted the damn thing it took two days and I did have help. This time I finished alone with blisters on my hands, surrounded by the inch of tangerine paint just out of reach. Far from feeling accomplished, I wanted to sit down on the floor and cry.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about my new apartment with my roommates. It’s unreal: 14-foot ceilings, a private patio. I’ve spent a few hours this week watching the sunlight stream in through my gorgeous window, and believed fiercely that this is a place I could settle, have guests, have a lover.

But acknowledging how much I want that makes me feel like a fucking mess. I keep telling myself that expressing need does not make you needy, and asking for help does not make you helpless. I don’t follow either of these pieces of advice. But maybe someday I will, and in the meantime I do believe them.

Every day for the last week my phone has brought up the reminder to post about KinkForAll and I have ignored it. I don’t want to get up in front of a room and talk. Some educators do skills, but I’m all theory, and in this mood I’m not much of a poster child for my new world order.

I know I should go. Even if it’s not a lot, it’s the least I can do. This seems to be a common belief among bloggers — that what we do on the Internet has a ripple effect, and helps create the world we want to live in. I want that, even when phrases like “consciousness-raising” and “creating safe spaces” and “starting conversations” ring really fucking flat. So often I feel like we are just patting ourselves on the back for vocalizing our discontent. Changing things is hard, even when the alternative is good behavior and quiet despair.

Basically… tonight I don’t have anybody to paint the tops of my walls, and I’m sad.

I’m attending two events in March. They’re both new to me, but I’m looking forward to them very much!

First, the brainchild of Maymay and Eileen: KinkForAll, New York City

On Sunday March 8, a sexuality event like no other New York City has ever seen is being born. It is a full day of free interactive presentations and discussions about all things sexuality-related. It’s called KinkForAll, and anyone with something to contribute or with the desire to learn is welcome and invited to join. When you come, be prepared to share with others. When you leave, be prepared to share it with the world.

KinkForAll is an ad-hoc gathering born from the desire for people of the kink, queer, sex-positive and related communities to share and learn in an open environment. It is an intense event with discussions, presentations, and interaction from all participants. It is inspired by and based upon the BarCamp community.

Attendees must give a talk or a presentation, help with one, or otherwise volunteer/contribute in some way to support the event. All presentations are scheduled the day they happen. Prepare in advance (if you want to), but come early to get a slot on the wall. The people present at the event will select the demos or presentations they want to see.

KinkForAll is open to everybody Sunday, March 8 from 10am to 5:30pm at The LGBT Center, Room 310 (at 208 West 13th Street, just west of 7th Ave). It’s free!

(text via Lolita)

Next, International Ms Leather, San Francisco

Mark your calendars for March 19-22, 2008, when contestants for International Ms Leather and International Ms Bootblack strut their stuff and rub it down in San Francisco, CA. Esteemed judges Sarah Humble, American Leatherwoman 1994, Denver, CO; Lauren Ide, International Ms Leather 2007, Phoenix, AZ; Skeeter, Mr. & Madame S, San Francisco, CA; slave Alia Al’Barakah, producer Southwest Leather Conference, Los Angeles, CA; Andrea Zanin, sexgeek.wordpress.com,Toronto,ON; and Van Darkholme, BoundGods.com, San Francisco, CA will make sure the IMsL competitors are up for the adventure of being 2009’s new titleholder. International Ms Bootblack contest judges will be announced soon.

Do you have hot and entertaining BDSM fantasies? Do you have heart and soul? Can you think on the spot? Have you been committed to making and supporting your leather community? Then take a stand and compete for the title of International Ms Leather or International Ms Bootblack! If you like fun and friendly competition, check out all the hot details at www.IMsL.org/compete.php including competition guidelines to see if you’ve got what it takes to be International Ms Leather or International Ms Bootblack 2009!

If competition is not your thing, you can still score the goodies at IMsL. Old and new treats are in store. On Thursday, be seduced at Seduction, an evening of burlesque, strip tease, lap dancing, drag and more! Friday features the all-new Temptation, a BDSM dance party. Leather, latex, and formal uniforms… special guest DJ and special spiked punch…this isn’t your high school prom! And, for the very first time at IMsL, pick up a trick at Speed Tricking, a kind of speed dating with a twist! Saturday features the weekend’s highlight: the 2009 International Ms Leather and International Ms Bootblack contests! S Bear Bergman brings it on as our emcee for Friday’s Opening Ceremony and Saturday night’s contest. Bear is an author, a theatre artist, an instigator, a gender-jammer, and a good example of what happens when you over-educate a contrarian. And wrap up the weekend with a pick-me-up coffee and more at the Sunday morning Keynote Brunch.

Whether you’re an old hand, newbie or something in between, we at IMsL believe there’s still lots to be learned when it comes to BDSM. And we want to share the love and wisdom. So check out the new education program! Our outstanding faculty teaches you the techniques between Friday and Sunday. Looking for a more in-depth learning experience? Friday features four-hour intensive classes. Topics include: Dominance/submission (Allie Gatto), Mummification (Lolita Wolf) and Tantra for Perverts (Dossie Easton and Barbara Carellas). Do you like shorter classes? Saturday will be filled with exciting 90-minute classes. Tentative topics include: Introduction to BDSM, Bootblacking, Take Downs, and M/s relationships. Confirmed presenters include Bear Bergman, Bootdog, Boymeat, Felice Shays, Master Rick, Olga, Sheryl Dee, slave alia, and tomo. For those who like it hands-on and in the play space, we’ll have top-notch instructors Making Play Happen on Sunday at different stations in our spacious play spaces.

… and so on and so forth. Registration is $129 through March 15. So many names! So many links! I’m volunteering; it might not be too late for you to volunteer, either. Day passes ARE available.

I’m surprised I actually know (or at least know of) some of the judges. If I bump into Andrea Zanin at IMsL, I will have to figure out how to express my years of appreciation of her blog without seeming, well, inexcusably creepy!