The Great Arnica Experiment
June 20th, 2009
Arnica cream
Last summer, I put my body on the line for science: I wanted to test the efficacy of topical arnica montana. We’ve all heard that arnica makes bruises go away faster. I wanted to believe it, because I could really use it, but I am an enormous skeptic when it comes to alternative medicine. Actually, you could end that sentence after “skeptic”.
The effective methods I know are preventative: ice, elevate, and avoid aspirin. Bruises go away on their own, and much faster if you have been bruised repeatedly in the same place. If there were a miracle bruise cure, I’m pretty sure it would be under patent by Pfizer or Merck and cost much more than six or eight dollars a tube. Blindly applying sticky herbal-smelling bruise cream three times a day to no effect was not doing it for me.
I would have just ignored the stuff, save my rampant annoyance at being assured it works and would solve all my problems. Anecdotal evidence, psssh. How do you actually know it works? How do you know your bruises wouldn’t have gone away that fast anyway? Have you heard, by any chance, that homeopathy is an utter crock of shit?
I decided I’d conduct my own experiment: I’d make two identical bruises and use arnica on one. I admit this experiment was, perhaps, lacking in scientific rigor, but not devoid of entertainment value.
arnica experiment, day 2
First, symmetry! I drew 4″ circles on both thighs and instructed my helpers to stay inside them. The resulting thigh-eating blobs are a great illustration in how bruises spread. If you look at the photo, you can sort of see the circle I drew (filled with cane marks), the pad of swelling underneath it, and then the pink-purple edges of the thing bleeding out.
The right bruise was a little smaller, so I decided I’d give the arnica a head start and keep the left leg as my control.
Bruises, of course, are subject to gravity too. Over the course of the next few days, they crept down my legs almost to my knees, preventing me from wearing shorts. Did arnica stop that? Noooooo.
I meant to take photos of the bruises every day, but I couldn’t get adequate light, and the pictures didn’t come out. So you’ll have to take my word for it that after a week of using arnica three times a day, the results were unimpressive. I couldn’t tell any difference at all. They faded out after a week and a half, looking identical to the end.
Ten days is fast for a bruise of that gruesomeness. I’m sure if I’d used arnica on both, I’d have wholly credited the healing time to the stuff.
Technically, this doesn’t prove that arnica doesn’t work. But it fails to prove that it does work, either.
If you conduct your own experiment, please send me a link, or just email me the photos and any narrative! I would be delighted beyond measure to post it here.
